Tag Archives: Goodreads

What can be done?

What can be done? I feel calmer today. Sure we are a cycle spin in our romance, and it is back to its usual state of limbo. I can’t help but sway back and forth between feelings of hate and love, and some instinct that of all the misery of the past few years that it has been a trade off for the slow realizations of what I find most valuable in my life, and a return, with myself stronger and more resilient, toward that, namely love. Love being all that makes me tick, and that would include A. He is resilient in some ways I can’t fathom yet because my emotions cloud my head. He is also arrogant, and we both are in entirely different ways.

I am writing all these words about myself, trying to explain myself so I can understand myself, because being a visual person it actually helps to see words. And being a feeler to feel them as I type them. Maybe that sounds silly but it’s true.

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Goodreads, New York, a little lonely tonight…

I tried adding myself as a friend to myself on Goodreads, but Goodreads popped up with a message that read “You can’t be friends with yourself, silly!” so like a gay couple seeking a marriage license, I guess I’ll have to settle for internal validation of my relationship worth. So I’m going to watch the rest of the Painted Veil, and then New York I Love You, and then take a hot shower and think about how much I wish I lived in New York and not here, where all is a mess. But I suppose there are messes everywhere. Bigger ones. I’m like a child playing clean up with napkins. What do I know of messes? I can barely handle the dishes.

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