What can be done? I feel calmer today. Sure we are a cycle spin in our romance, and it is back to its usual state of limbo. I can’t help but sway back and forth between feelings of hate and love, and some instinct that of all the misery of the past few years that it has been a trade off for the slow realizations of what I find most valuable in my life, and a return, with myself stronger and more resilient, toward that, namely love. Love being all that makes me tick, and that would include A. He is resilient in some ways I can’t fathom yet because my emotions cloud my head. He is also arrogant, and we both are in entirely different ways.
I am writing all these words about myself, trying to explain myself so I can understand myself, because being a visual person it actually helps to see words. And being a feeler to feel them as I type them. Maybe that sounds silly but it’s true.