Tag Archives: feelings

Colors of squares

I’m still sad but trying not to think too terribly hard about it, cause if I look t things from one perspective I can barely handle it. So instead I think about others things- like art. Like mark Rothko and his 300+ cm oil paintings with brilliant colors of squares and blended rectangular forms that absorb you like napkins, and penetrate your nerves without your knowing it. Most common museum goers would pass a Rothko and think “but why?” and yet they would feel him maybe on a layer of themselves they had closed or never opened up to realizing…so as nietzsche here was a philosopher with a great passion and musical inclination, who constructed art as Nietzsche constructed words, in order to appeal to something hidden inside you, raw, Dionysian, passion infused with a reflectiveness for Apollonian sensibilities. Why? Because our emotions can’t be continually trampled over for the sake of our social fabrics. They must be expressed and felt even on a fabric canvas, colors of all degrees to express fire-born moods, and bring back life to our patterned little boxes of routine, habit and forgetfulness. We all choose to forget, why not start by feeling in art, then in ourselves, a choice to remember, and then in a relationship, to feel more than ourselves…
I have been all thumb typing again. In conclusion, I am a believer in true love, yes Adam was right and in it I will continue to believe especially as I learn how to love myself, it has been the most difficult part of all.

Ps. Wish I could upload my new DVD project like a movie… Slideshows and amazing music of Portland and my studio for my architecture seminar. I imagine one day I’ll look back nostalgic and a little melancholy. Tomorrow I’ll look back and think goddam I am tired, what was I thinking staying up so late?


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Speed Daters

At a cafe I try to mind my own business but inevitably there are young, lonely fools around town trying to find each other. They are called:

Speed daters…

“sucked the life right out of me”
“I used to live in Connecticut for awhile”
“Ohmigod, I’ve always wanted to go to Holland!”
“I’m really really into sustainable living…really excited about…”
“So would it be like, would I say whatever happens…”
“I mean, I’m fine with it…”
“Oh I really want to make zines too”
“I really want to make one, but I lost my first love when I was twenty…I really think that would be powerful…”
“That’s the thing…writing it is way more intimate…I’m going to give this really intimate journal-like thing…feelings…just what were feeling…”
“They’re really cool…do you know…?”
“So…you’re going back to school…”
“And also I think, the synergies, if I was totally honest with you…the last person I was sitting with, totally didn’t relate to him, wouldn’t want to date….was talking about sports…you’re charismatic too…”
“There are also lots of weird people…”

“I know all the people I would like to meet.”
“I moved form SE to NW a year ago…”
“It’s a great area, and I work in the area. My nanny jobs are all in NE.”
“I’d like to be able to walk to work.”
“I just need my bike to get fixed.”
“I don’t know what to do…I probably should get a computer, I just…it’s so much money…”
“Every single person was just online, that’s what the picture is becoming…
we’re just talking to friends through facebook…
but there is all that pressure to do that too, especially if you’re an artist, it’s like…
“yeah, I have been wanting to make a….”
“so you are looking for…”
“so do you have pets or anything?”
“Diet wise, are you against meat?…
“I used to be vegan, but…”
“That’s ok with us…salmon burgers…I’m really big on…
“I used to be lean mean Eugene…”
“Did you see the last guy?”
“I was totally not feeling him, I was like Oh god.”
“Here I’m like oh, I need a car, and oh…”
“Well the good dumpsters, there like way out, I know Trader Joes is pretty good, and Odwalla.. but there far out…”
“and the bums, they would get like everything…”
“no, it’s definitely a scene”…
“that’s cool, that’s what I like too”
“everyone can do one thing, even if it’s…that’s cool, at least we know someone’s doing it…”
“My roommate’s a freelance bike mechanic.”

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