Recording and Desiring to Experience what we Record…a Contemplation.

First of all, I am confused by my new tank: Jacobs for Marc Jacobs by Marc for Marc Jacobs. What?
Second note begins with a preface.
Preface: Not that I have, completely, so this is just a hypothetical question. (Even with Adam, photographing him nude, I was already fully involved with him on every intimate level, and most of the mystery, or at least the rush of excitement involved in new mystery, was gone.) But my question is, to my fellow artists, have you ever painted/photographed/written/sculpted a person that you felt intimately drawn to on a SEXUAL level? I have to add sexual, as in a physical desire for them, because there is a difference between desiring to know someone intimately, which can be divulging a facet of their soul, and usually is a desire that I feel for everyone I photograph…there is a difference between this desire and a desire to not only understand and connect to a part of their soul but to further experience them on a material level, to possess them not just mentally and spiritually, but also physically. Photography, let’s face it, and other art forms that attempt to identify, deconstruct, and record a person or a portion of a person, is at once recognizing the soul and vibrancy of that person, and also negating it by objectifying it into this limited, physical space, whether a molding of clay, a piece of prose, a picture within a frame. It can be a form of destruction as well as beauty, each recording a perspective of the author or artist, imposed upon the subject as if their perspective is the greater truth in the longevity of their proposed perspective. Anyway, to accompany my question, if you HAVE felt that intense desire for a model, what did you do? Did you feel more comfortable, flustered, inhibited? Did you drink some whiskey or wine before the shoot? (Here I have to omit the writer, who is more detached from the subject, because in the case of the visual artist working directly with the subject is looking at them and knows, even if they are not recorded that they are being looked back upon, and judged, understood, and undressed in just the way they are undressing, judging and understanding their model. And the model, without the tool with which to record their hunter, as the prey, has the power of the hunter’s desire behind them, to pressure and excite them. If they remain uninhibited by the gaze of the artist recording them, they are infinitely powerful). Recording, and desiring to experience on multiple levels what we record, this is the recreation of anxieties that have plagued me since mu first crush in elementary school. A fear of rejection and failure. Of brutally remolding a model into something grotesquely distorted from their true selves, and finding that distortion to be a reflection of myself. And a fear of liking that. I have to recognize these anxieties, embrace these desires from which they are spurned, and deconstruct, recreate and consume them. This is the essence of what attracts me to photography. And in its best moments, it is intimate, and in its very best, it’s sexual, or I imagine, in a way, it will be. So there we have it. And again I pose a multi-layered query: what do you desire, how does it move you, what do you do about it?


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