I’m being guilt-tripped into moving back to California to work in a small town at a Mercantile Store I never wanted to work at. Ever. I have always said that. And I asked the family friend “uncle” to help me find something I love related to my art that could help me get out of more pretentious art schol in Portland. I wanted the real thing, a school in Ny, or maybe a job in Ny. So he mentioned a job in Ny and I came and it was actually a job in NJ, that’s cool, except it wasn’t a job at all, because the boss of the company didn’t want me or anyone here in the first place. He just wanted to make the “uncle”, also chairman of the board feel like he had control of the situation. And so I fucked up at every turn so he could say to “uncle” I needed something else, perhaps more school or an art job in the city. But not this. So family friend “uncle” took that to mean I am failing at what he wants, and what he wants is someone to help with his businesses, one was this young food company in Jersey, another is this mercantile in Nowhere, California. I love the coast of California. But I have been aching to be in New York. Not eastern California ex-gold mining towns with hicks. So I said I wanted to stay but he is wealthy and powerful, and I am broke. So he says I’m selfish and self-centered, if I don’t do this. Do this for 6 weeks. Except really why should I do this for six weeks if I’m just going to leave right after, what help would I be if I’m stuck in a place I never wanted to be with a group of religious, conservative emotionally confused people? But he says I lack focus. Really? Because I don’t want the same thing that you want for me, namely to work for you at this place?