Grow slow, I should have paid more attention to my old bumper sticker…

Move slow.  This would be me most of the time. But then sometimes I drink excessive amounts of coffee, or I’m late for work, and have deadlines.  Then I run around like a chicken with no head.  And That’s not good.  I spill coffee on my top, or I forget my keys.  I scuff my shoe or I nearly get hit by a car.  I don’t recommend moving too fast.  This is especially important in a relationship, or at least I thought so until a minute ago in deep contemplation.  I was thinking about the last relationship I had, which ended a week ago.  It was a short, sweet one month romance.  Actually not too terribly sweet.  We connected immediately.  He was a sculpture student at my college, and very into dreams, photography and hiking and all the the things I like.  I figured this would be a long, beautiful relationship.  I was imagining his name with mine, our summer plans, and our photography projects together.  We were also coworkers at my new job, still are I guess, except he services Macs and I sell them.  He is techie too.  Oddly, this is hot.  So we made pumpkin pie and from there we dated, and moved quickly.  Over an episode of Mad Men we kissed, and made out, and everything happened at once.  With all our talk of moving slow, we didn’t and it was too good.  So this is where it soured.  I found out I had herpes from my ex the worst way possible, by my new boy coming to me one morning with an astonished look on his face and asking “What is This!?!” Damn. Oddly my ex decided he wants to see me again  I am funny because I sometimes imagine that the foundation is there when really it is as sturdy as sawdust.  It’s happened before.  But now that I have been contemplating deeply I have redesigned the whole destructed affair in my head and I am thinking, maybe this is inevitable.  And moving more swiftly we cam to what would inevitably arise, the lack of compassion and trust necessary to a long-lasting love.  All this talk of “friends” is bullshit, and space and time.  There is only one love, and it is willingness to be open to another, and then in that openness see all they are and all they can be, and sure we have moments of this for everyone, but to remain open in hard times for a particular soul, that requires a special something else.  I guess we didn’t have it. Any of us.

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